Today at Trader Joe’s a woman attempted to “hold” an automatic door for me by standing in the threshold while I went through. I know many people are just helpful for the sake of it but this was yet another example of the less-appreciated segment of helpful people: those who act helpful in order to feel good about themselves. Of course, from this woman’s simple action, I can’t reliably extrapolate her personality and motivations, but it was such a ridiculous and unnecessary thing that it could hardly be considered in the realm of normal, well-intentioned helpfulness.

I started thinking about the idea of people helping me to feel good about themselves when a friend suggested that as the motivation of the guy in this incident, which took place at the same Trader Joe’s. Of course we all want to feel helpful; it makes us feel good if we do something beneficial for someone else. But some cases are just extreme, as in that guy who pushed me up a ramp even though I said no, or the woman today who felt such a strong desire to be helpful that she stood in front of an automatic sliding door.

These two incidents are very different- one a case of someone invading my personal space against my stated will, and another of someone stepping to the side for a second and not interacting with me, besides her stare- but I suspect they both reveal similar motivations on the part of the “helpers”. They see me, a girl in a wheelchair, and think, “look at that poor thing, how can she possibly do X by herself? I can save the day!” Maybe they don’t even think that; maybe it’s subconscious. But on some level, I bet that’s what was going on in both instances.

Most people who offer me help are in the “helpful for the sake of it” category- or at least it seems like it. These are the people who offer to help me get into my car (which I always decline) and the people who offer to grab an item they see me eyeing on an out-of-reach shelf at a store (which I accept, if I want the thing). These people listen when I say “no thanks”, and these people don’t do ridiculous things like interrupt infrared beams to hold open a door for me (that’s how automatic doors work…right?). These people are a constant, generally un-noteworthy part of my life outside my house. The few people who reveal their selfish motivations for offering me help are the select few who get blogged about.